Friends who have enriched my life......

This week was a good one just busy as usual. Getting back in the states and building friendships is one of the most important things right now. I've been on Face book since Josh went to college. It was one way for me to just keep an eye on him and to stay connected. I really hadn't done much with it since it seemed most of the folks on face book were my kids ages. Well, Justin went off to college and so many of our friends kids were going off to college too that it was one way again to stay connected. I started thinking about our friends through the years and how their kids were probably on face book. I've looked far and wide to find some of our friends but sometimes it's just impossible unless you know just where to look. So anyway, I took the chance and started looking for some of our friends kids.

I found one friend- Taylor who was the daughter of some very dear friends while we were in Seminary. I found 2 girls who looked like they could be a child of Kelly and Michael Phillips. I was almost sure it was the 2nd and SURE ENOUGH it was!

I was so thrilled. :) It feels good to get reconnected with such dear people! I have missed them so much over the years. We had some good times together during our 2 year stay at Seminary and there have been so many times I had longed for their friendship again. There's just nothing like having such grounded and real people in your life.

Kelly was one of those friends. Someone who could get mad at you and yet you knew she would work to make the friendship work.... she was a dear friend and unfortunately - time and space caused us to loose connection.

I just look forward to getting reconnected and getting to catch up!

I loved the picture of these feet. I don't know why, but feet just make me think of intimate moments...

Here's to friends - I have been so blessed in my life..... to have amazing women in my life- for the good, bad and even the hurt that comes at times from friends.. I wouldn't be the person I am without the friends I've had throughout my life!

Goodbyes

Over the past 11 years we have lived in 5 different countries, China, Hong Kong, Malaysia, China, United States, China, Thailand met some amazing people, made life long friends, lost some friends but through it all we have learned so much.

What I love about life is that it is always changing. Not only is my life changing but so are all the lives around me changing. It is a rare thing to have friends in your life that will be honest to speak to you about the things on their heart and speak to you trusting that you are going to call them on the carpet if you are wrong. It is rare to have friends who invest in you rather than you always investing in them. It is rare to have friends that share not just one aspect of life with but many layers of life.

Dwayne and I have had the privilege of meeting and being apart of so many peoples lives and as a result been enriched greatly by those we may have only met once, spent a week with or month with or as in the pictures spent years with. It's been hard to lose people in our life due to miscommunication or lack of honesty or because they had to move away. It's hard to realize that some of the people in your life you may not grow together but apart. However even in those cases if one choses to, it is possible to grow and be blessed from even the tough times.

As we think about another move and process what that means we say good byes yet again. Some of the friends we've made these last 2 years are friends we'll continue to grow and develop. Others we will have had some amazing times and will look back on the days we had together and smile and say, what a joy it was to have known them. Others we will leave and say, it's sad that we won't be able to continue to develop our friendship further. Still even in it all we smile and cry because it is never easy to realize we must yet start again to build new friends, develop new partnerships that may or may not be around in a year.

This is when I read Hebrews and say, Dear Lord, how much longer will we have to sojourn and wonder this world? How much longer dear Lord will we have good byes? But then I smile and turn my eyes Heaven ward and remember this place is not home in every sense of the word. Home is heaven ward and may I not forget that, may I be reminded daily to keep my eyes toward heaven and not set them on the things of this world. It's not meant for me to find comfort in this place or to feel at home and for that I'm so grateful to have realized. I feel more out of place in every place I go than I did 11 years ago.

I look forward to the next chapter of our lives...... This is one thing I know for sure and what I cling to in moments of uncertainty.

" My God, My Lord is the same today, as He was yesterday and will be the same tomorrow too..."

Making rounds

I just had to write and say what a joy it is to make my rounds to the CWO blog ring. I have so enjoyed being apart of such great people. It's so encouraging to go and read others blogs and to read how the Lord is teaching them and growing them. It's also just a joy to share in their lives. So, thanks Stacy for putting me on to the CWO blog ring. I saw it first on your blog. :) It's great how we can share things via the blog!


Have a GREAT Sunday!
Melissa

Trust

As I shared a few days ago I'm here in Colorado for a meeting. I'm learning how to facilitate Sharpening Your Inter personal Skills, some know as; SYIS. It is such a great workshop especially for those of us who work with so many diverse kinds of people who come from all kinds of back grounds. It can be a challenge to learn how to live in peace with people if you aren't sure how to deal with all the diversity. Often times when we are ill equipped to handle interpersonal issues, conflicts, or problems then we tend to become judge mental, making all kinds of assumptions about people, and there tends to be a string of broken relationships in your wake.

I can personally testify that until you are willing to learn how to first admit your own issues then it is likely you won't get far in helping others along the path of discovery or will you really experience reconciliation in broken relationships. Especially in the area of dealing with conflicts, interpersonal issues and just dealing with people on a regular basis. It is inevitable that if you work long enough with people and spend enough time with them you are going to experience one of these things. So why my post today?

We had practice sessions today where we actually got to do a session practicing facilitate modules of SYIS.

One was on Trust and it was just another reminder of how often I fail in my genuine attempts of being a trustworthy friend, co worker, and neighbor just to name a few.

One of the activities was to name things that BUILD TRUST: it was so cool to see 16 people write out these and then share them with the group. Here are just a few, disclosure, sharing life experiences, honesty, care, humility, kindness, keeping confidences, the list went on.. one thing that was mentioned was that most of these are focused on the other person not on themselves. So someone who is usually trustworthy exemplifies a selfless attitude towards others. It's not all about them!

Then we went on to TRUST BUSTERS: Things that break trust. Here are some of those: sarcasm, gossip, lying, manipulation- what was meant by this was allowing other people to do all the talking and then the other person just do all the listening/ this is a form of manipulation- judging, expanding the truth, broken promises and/or appointments, being late, not fulling your word, being one way infront of some people but then being opposite when you are not around them.

The thing that was noted and I think we all can concur that it is so much easier to BREAK trust than it is to BUILD trust.

Another profound statement was : Isn't is interesting that we can break trust without even trying but you can't build trust without trying.


It just reminded me and really challenged me today to consider those I work with and to consider those I call friends, those I live in community with and even my colleague that I need to be working to build trust and to be mindful of how my actions even if they are unintentional or sometimes intentional that I need to know that I could be breaking trust or building it.

I know there are times when I over extend myself and I am not able to keep my appointments or that I allow my work to interfere with prior engagements and even that breaks trust after awhile. There are some other ways that I'm aware of my actions and it's neat to see the growth in those areas but man Ya'll its no small thing to begin the painful work of change in our own lives. Unfortunately we tend to reflect on others problems or downfalls but to be real enough to say, no it's me.. That's when God can really work in and through us. Ever met someone who is always got an issue with someone. All they do is dredge up old junk or dwell on the words of that person. I use to do that.... I use to just waddle in junk until something happened and I was removed from it long enough for the Lord to begin showing me how wrong I was to keep my focus on them but what I really needed was to focus on me. I can't change people.. but I can change me... And then I can trust God to change others. It amazes me how much more patience I have with those I once felt in conflict with and how much more I let go. That alone has caused me to become a bit more wise with whom I lay myself bare too. Its not that I don't love them or value them but I just understand where they are and realize they aren't trustworthy enough to be given full access to who I am in vulnerable ways. That's not bad, that's healthy!

It is so cool to see growth and to come back after my first time of taking SYIS as a participant and now preparing to teach it to see how much it has affected my life and effected change in me!

I highly recommend this workshop to anyone who works with people. You won't be disappointed in the skills and knowledge you walk away with after attending this workshop.

check out their website: www.itpartners.org

So here's to personal discovery... being real with God about WHO you ARE and being willing to say, I want to change and grow and become that ........ kind of a person. ( you fill in the blank) for me today! It's a TRUST WORTHY kind of Person.


here's to being purposeful in building trust!

Mel......

Bitterness

I had to write about this because man it was a wake up call to what Bitterness can do in the life of believers.

Here's the meaning from the Webster dictionary: Having a sharp pungent smell or taste, not sweet; harsh, unpleasant, sullen, antipathy, antagonism, loathing, harshness-

Ever had any one of these feelings? I sure have. I didn't realize it at the time but I was full of bitterness. In my own situation it wasn't until I was willing to get honest with myself and realize that my bitterness towards someone else was really a reflection of what was really going on in my own heart. In James 1: 22-24 it talks about those of us ( most of us) who hear the Truth of God's word and yet we don't become doers of what we hear. James says we are " like a man who looks at his natural face in the mirror; for once he has looked at himself and gone away, he has immediately forgotten what kind of person he was."

We dare not look long enough to see our own reflection and our own issues. But oh how easy it is to stare at another's life and pick them to pieces.

I do believe hurt is real. I believe that pain is real, too. Bitterness, however, is the result of simmering and stewing over the events that caused us hurt and pain. It is not accepting the situation and the issue but refuting it - Most of the time, at least in my own life, it is a direct result of not wanting to "own" any of the responsibility. It may also be that you/we are not willing to accept the wrong done to us or to accept that you or I may have had a part in the situation or problem. This is what James is talking about, when we are like the natural man who looks and sees himself for what he is and then walks away and forgetting what he saw - it doesn't cause change rather it is denial. This is when Bitterness begins to grow and take root in our lives.

We have all heard the saying "There are always two sides to every story". Well, I believe there are two sides to every hurt and pain. On the one side we may be the recipient on the other side we may have done either intentionally or unintentionally something to bring about the situation. How then do we work through the mess and bring clarity to the situation and hopefully restoration.

It requires us all to be willing to look at ourselves first and begin the painful duty of dealing with what we had to do with the situation. Matt. 18:15 sets a standard for us as believers how to deal with a wrong that is done or when sin is evident in the life of another brother. Going to them immediately- don't delay it only allows the enemy a strong hold and gives way to speculation and presumption.

Then it requires us to be reconciled one with another. Matt. 5: 23-24 "first be reconciled to your brother"
* How can we bring our sacrifice of praise, or our offering to the Lord if we are at odds with our brother*
This isn't always easy- but the first step is admitting a wrong and seeking forgiveness. Then you can be reconciled one with another.

The final word from Col. 3: 12-13 says: " Bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you."

Forgiveness rids us of all bitterness. It is not just speaking the words of Forgiveness and then continuing to HATE or SHUN someone but when they come with a sincere heart of repentance and reconciliation it is our role as believers to do just as CHRIST has done for us.... Receive them back. Restore them....( It doesn't mean you give them full access to your heart again, or trust them implicitly but it does mean you begin to rebuild and establish unity- with God's love and His character implanted in us.. full restoration can happen!)

Why am I writing this you ask? Well, I have encountered all out bitterness like I've never seen before. I guess for me it was a wake up call to remember that I must work hard as a believer to not allow this poison to take root in my own life.

Seeing these individuals who are just full of bitterness made me all the more serious about being real first with GOD and then myself and then to those around me. Sometimes it means we get hurt but if we walk in the spirit we are promised that we will grow through even the difficult friendships.

2 Cor. 2:15-16 says " For we are a fragrance of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing;to the one an aroma from death to death, to the other an aroma from life to life. And who is adequate for these things?

My challenge today is to work hard at living life being Clothed with Christ's : compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and peace ( Col. 3:12) and then to seek in all situations the wisdom that comes from above: ( James 3:17) "Wisdom from heaven is first pure, peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy."

This week I've really been thinking on Col 3:12 and James 3:17 and it is so cool how the Lord knits Life into learning examples for me to grow and mature through......

I've just been all the more challenged this week as I've seen and heard of these individuals being so full of bitterness that I can't help but just pray, Lord help me not to allow the root of bitterness in my life.

I hope if you are dealing with bitterness that you will root it out and look for restoration if it is at all possible for you to do so.

May we be a sweet aroma.....

Melissa